This is THE MOST stupidest THING EVER. You’re what a year freaken older than me yet I can’t even relay on you for anything. Instead I’m the one that have to do every fucking shit for you. From homework to projects to doing your fafsa. WTF DUDE? ARN’T YOU SUPOSE TO BE HELPING ME OUT? YOU ARE OLDER THAN ME ARE YOU NOT? WHEN THE FUCK WILL YOU GROW THE FUCK UP AND ACT LIKE YOUR 19. I JUST HOPE FOR ONCE THAT YOU WOULD HELP ME WITH SOMETHING. JUST ONCE BUT NO THAT’S JUST TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR FROM YOU. FUCKING JERK. I HATE YOU. I WISHED YOU NEVER HAD SEIZURES. IF YOU WOULD HAVE NEVER GOTTEN IT THAN MAYBE I WONT BE SO STRESSED OUT ALL THE TIME. I DON’T LIKE BEING TREATED AS THE OLDEST KID WHEN I’M CLEARLY NOT. THEY EXPECT WAY TOO MUCH OF ME…WHEN THEY ARE SUPPOSE TO EXPECT THINGS FROM YOU! I BLAME YOU FOR THIS. I SERIOUSLY THINK  THAT YOU NEED HELP. I THINK YOU HAVE A MENTAL DISABILITY. I WISH THEY WOULD GET SOME THERAPIST TO HELP YOU, BUT THEY NEVER LISTEN TO ME. I’M NOT EVEN IMPORTANT. YOU ARE. YOU’RE EVERYTHING TO THEM PLUS PHILLIP. Sighs. I hope that one day you would just snap out of being “TOO FUCKING SHY” and just seriously “MAN UP”. I wish you have friends, so you can “GO OUT, HAVE FUN” instead of being in your room all your LIFE. That’s so BORING. WHY CAN’T YOU BE NORMAL?!?!? Why can’t you be a sibling that I can talk to like all those normal siblings out there you know? -__-I wish  you the best in the future although i doubt you will have a successful one. I know thats something harsh and mean to say, but I have to say even dad thinks the same way I do. So it’s not just me. Maybe one day, you’ll stand up for yourself instead of having mom and dad always being there for you. I wonder what the hell are you going to major in… or how the fuck are you getting a job… I wonder so much about you.. I even worry WAY TOO MUCH about you, that I forgot to worry about myself.Just like what my 6th grade teacher says, “LIFE IS NOT FAIR.” I AGREE.

I randomly salivated when I ate pieces of Tammy’s cranberry french bread in English class today. Thinking about it now just makes me salivate even more!

I had an amazing week. I got to see my bf this week! it sucks how he had to go back to Merced :/ I was really sad, I hate when he have to go back there… I get lonely a little bit. But let’s hope this week will go by super fast because we’re going to visit a university together… we’ll its more of a get away thats what I think :O. Just me and him ^^, I’m excited! hehe BUT LETS HOPE I DO WELL IN AP PSYCH THIS SEMESTER -__- ITS MY ONLY C LAST QUARTER. I MUST PASS WITH A B IN AP PSCH AND PRECALC! 80%+!!! lets hope I can do it. I send in my appeal on Friday. I am very eager to know. WILL YOU PLEASE ACCEPT ME! I REALLY WANT TO GO THERE MORE THAN ANYTHING. I should have send in ACT scores… IM SO STUPID -__-. Please accept me :/ I’ll be so happy. If I dont get in.. I will serious be devastated even more than I was when I got rejected -__- ahhh well just have to wait and see :O

I feel so stressed out. My head hurts. I want to just lay down and nap but I can’t I have so much work… homework… family problems… speaking of family problems.. they are down stairs arguing right now…sighs. Hopefully next week I can go on a little get away with just me and you. Even though it’s just to visit a school. But at least I get to spend times with you right? That is what matters to me the most. I wonder if you would feel that way too. Its so dark and gloomy today. I really want some Popsicle sticks… the ones I saw in the Merced target had a sour patch kids Popsicle :O I really wanted to buy it, but I couldn’t I was leaving that day so there was no point of getting it there. Maybe ill go buy some later? If I have time.

They hurt so freaken much, I started crying. ITS PAINFUL. No one understands how I feel right now. UGH. I feel like dying it freaken burns and itches like crazy!!!! Its driving me insane, but I have to sit here and take notes. I srsly should go to the emergency room if this continues tonight. I’m am literally going crazy. Should have never took a nap -__-. i should have just go do hw and not sleep. Every time I end up sleeping for a while then waking up, I feel CRAZY ITCHY.. tot he point where I want to literally scratch it until it starts bleeding. -__- I took a shower. It didn’t help at all. what the fuck is WRONG WITH ME. PLEASE FREAKN GO AWAY PLEASE.

ANON: I think I’m depressed.

ME: WHAT? WHY? Because you loose in games?

ANON: No.

ME: It’s okay! Take some DOPAMINE! 

BAHAHHAHAHA

I haven’t been to TapEx in a long time and decided to get the spicy chicken. When the guy called up my order, I started to salivate like crazy because I haven’t eaten it in a long time and I know it’s super yummy. Now every time I hear someone mention TapEx, I salivate! -___-

How are you so stupid? You cant even get into anything?!? What a shame. You should have tried harder. You didnt work hard enough. No wonder you are always being compared to right? Lets face it. Youre no one. Nothing. No one cares about you. Dream on. Stop pretending. Grow up.

These are only semi cuts dont worry no blood. I need a sharper object. Maybe later at night will be a better time. Thats when everyone sleeps